ihavebeenfloated

So, I get out of Target after buying myself some razor blades and this horribly expensive cream _{TEN DOLLARS AN OUNCE!} and I get into my Prius and turn it on. Promptly all these lights and buzzers start going off, a big triangle with an exclaimation point in my HUD, and on the LCD a big sign that says “CAUTION!” and out of three icons, the big engine looking one with, yet another, exclaimation point over it is all lit up like crazy, and the engine shuts off.

I sit there for a moment. I turn it off, go into the trunk and flip through the manual for any sign of any sort of display that looks like this. I browse the table of contents, “Obvious Engine Meltdown Screen,” nope, not in the table of contents. I scan through, find nothing. I call the service department at my local Toyota and they reassure me that if my car is broken they will give me a rental.

I drive it all the way there with these horrible lights on, worrying about my engine falling out and other nonsense. I get there without incident. I stop my car in their service area, turn it off, get out, and stand there for a moment until a service guy walks up to me.

“So, what can I do for you?”

“Well, see, I was at Target and I came out and got into my Prius and started it and…”

At this point I got into my Prius and put in the key and turned it on and…

“...and, I swear to you all these lights and shit came on and the car turned itself off, but…”

“...but, it’s not happening now.” I swear to God he was visibly mocking me at this point.

“Obviously,” I am bitter, as I have heard of this happening so many times to other people I never thought my car would betray me like this.

“Well,” he says, “if any sort of warning indicator came on, it generally records what happens in the car’s computer system, so we can probably schedule an appointment next week, as we’re all booked up this week, and you can bring it in and we can check it out.”

“How about… no. How about I just wait until the light comes on again, and then when I drive it back in here all pissed off, I just wont turn my car off like a moron next time?”

“...I see… Well, uh, let me get you my card, and you can give me a call.”

“That would be great!”

Assholes, if my car breaks somewhere and I’m fucking stranded that guy is dead.