ihavebeenfloated

This is the third introduction I’ve written to this site, now. Seems like I keep doing it every time I change things around. Maybe it’s better this way. If you want to read the first one I wrote, you can find it here, hidden deep within the darkest bowels of the site. The second one, well, I deleted it, so that’s sort of out of the question unless you believe in time travel.

(By the way, all that crap about not holding anything back and just letting loose in my private little dungeon… That was all bullshit. If you hang around here long enough, you’ll learn that I’m practically all bullshit. Really, it’s not a character flaw so much as it’s a character trait, really, honestly, it makes me likable to the audience. Really.)

So, where do I begin? I guess the obvious question is who the hell I am. I guess we can get that out of the way.

My name is Brad Root. I live in the San Diego area in this glorious state we call California. I was born on March 1st, 1985. This makes me dangerously close to the ripe ol’ age of twenty at the time of this writing, but I’m still stuck at nineteen. I’m old enough to recognize that saying I’m close to twenty doesn’t make me twenty, it only makes me even more nineteen because it gives away the fact that removing the ‘teen’ from my age will make me feel older, when in actuality it just makes me feel stupid because I’ve amounted to so little, which in turn makes me feel even dumber because, at twenty, no one expects me to have amounted to anything. (Unless you ask one of my sisters, who thinks I should be graduating medical school at this point, apparently.) The fact that I think about these things and make such an effort to mention them, even if I don’t mean to, causes me to realize further how far I have to go, still.

I ran, or, uh, run The Electric Biscuit. I used to use the alias Stuyvesant Parker, someone, somewhere, remembers that site. It was fairly popular for a while, or at least that’s what I tell myself. As you can easily see by following that link, that site was replaced by this one. (Or at least that is the case until I decide to do something new with the domain.)

I’ve been running websites since 1997. This makes me better than other people who haven’t been running their fucking livejournal account as long. This makes other people who’ve been running websites since before me, well, pathetic. Get a life, losers.

I’m really rather uninteresting, which is exactly why I run this site. I like to try to prove to people how absolutely uninteresting I am, which is why I talk about every uninteresting thought I have. I think, maybe, I provide entertainment to other uninteresting people, who perhaps find themselves a little bit less uninteresting by seeing how impossibly uninteresting another person can be. I used to be interesting, back when I had a life, but now, well, not so much. Maybe again, at some point, will I be interesting, but as of right now, uninteresting.

Also, I like commas and run on sentences, apparently.

I work at an animal hospital. I don’t talk about it much anymore because I would rather not get my ass dooced. I like the work. It’s shitty pay and it’s hard work keeping dogs and cats alive so that owners can pathetically grip on to the few thin threads of existence that still lurk buried deep inside their half dead animal’s bodies. My job makes me bitter and angry, but really, I think I do some good every now and then. I am so convinced that you have to be absolutely filled of self-loathing to enjoy a career in veterinary medicine, otherwise you would hate yourself to unfamiliar levels at the end of the day, causing you to either quit, or kill yourself. I like my job, really, I do.

I wish I was rich, but I’m not. In fact, I am quite poor, but I currently live in a shit-hole room about the size of a closet in a shit-hole house in good ol’ shit-hole Chula Vista, so I have some extra money and can buy expensive toys. Soon, though, I plan on living in a nicer place which will absorb all my money. I am hoping that living in a nicer place with no money will make me happier than living in a shitty place with some money.

I have an acoustic guitar. I know about three chords that I couldn’t tell you the names of. I have a Canon A95 which I am proud of. (A present. I take pictures with it.) I also have a pair of Sennheiser HD580’s in addition to a custom built amp by an audiophile friend of mine. (Which I paid for myself, which makes them marginally more important to me then the camera.) I also own two pairs of jeans that retail for $130.00/each that I got for $20.00/each on Amazon. I am my fucking khakis, just in case you were wondering.

I would like to write a novel some day. That is a long term goal, along with getting married. (Read long term as tomorrow.) Only now do I realize that every time someone asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” when I was younger, I should have answered, “Happy.” Too bad I wasn’t clever enough to think of that, then. Now, I’m sad enough to think of that as a serious response that I can laughingly pass off as clever as to not make myself seem too terribly pathetic, just comically jaded.

I guess after all that, any other questions are rather pointless. Welcome to my life! I hope you enjoy your stay. You caught me in a bit of a funk, I apologize.

If you care to contact me, you can do so via the following.

Email: brad@ihavebeenfloated.org
AIM: Amiantos
MSN: afext@hotmail.com
MySpace: My Profile (Why I have this I’ll never know.)