ihavebeenfloated

Christ, my head hurts. I went to be an hour or two after getting home from work, so around noon or so. I had this utterly fantastic dream half way through this marathon sessions of sleep, where I should have woken up right after, but I woke up from the dream and desperately wanted to get back to it, so I fell back asleep. (The dream was one of those dreams that allows you to experience everything you want so desperately, and it feels so utterly real, vivid, and detailed, that you’re haunted by the feelings when you wake.) Woke up at ten o’clock, talked to Cynthia for a while, which ended up making me feel really shitty for various reasons. (I hate to think that I am thought of as untrustworthy or unreliable, it’s something of a terrible blow for me to bear at this point.)

So, I went back to sleep for another four hours. That was a really bad idea and I knew it. I always do this on my days off, sleep for way too long, wake up with a terrible headache and then feel like shit for the rest of the day. Blows ass.

I’ve started using MS Money 2005 to keep track of my spending habits. For some reason it wont import all my transaction history from my WAMU account. I emailed WAMU about it and they want me to call them on the phone to try to resolve the issue, but at this point I’ve started downloading my transaction history manually, which I think might be better in the long term, so I don’t think it’s that important.

The stupid music that plays when you load up Money 2005 is fucking annoying. It’s such a nice, smooth, powerful program, though. The smoothness and fresh appearance though sort of disappears once you put it into “Super Geek Mode”, but it’s still nice. I highly recommend it if you want to analyze your overly excessive spending and put it into some perspective so you can knock it down. It’s definitely for what the little instructional videos say, “Do you find yourself asking, ‘Where in the fuck did all my money go?’ at the end of the month? With Money 2005, you can find out, and then punch yourself in the balls repeatedly for being a moron!”

Work was insane last night. I was taking care of a patient, a diabetic cat, that should have probably been on ICU, so he had a lot of stuff I had to keep track of in order to make sure he was going to suddenly die or something like that. I really hadn’t any idea what was up with the cat, outside of the fact that he had a jugular catheter put in and he was extremely gonked. I had to scavenge blood from him every two hours, test his BG, do a CVP about every two hours, alter his fluids, bolus him some sodium bicarb, all sorts of cool shit. It was fun.

If it wasn’t for the fucking rabbit that came in the door about half an hour before I had to leave, I would have left in a good mood. There is nothing I hate more than charity treatment. You can call me an evil bastard, but if some stray animal comes in the door, dog, cat, whatever, I don’t think it should be treated. I’ve watched too many stray animals that we’ve “saved” sit in their cages for months while people bitch about how they just sit there and no one will take them home, until finally some poor bastard employee will give in and take it home. It pisses me off. If an animal is not attached to a human who has money and can pay it’s bills, it shouldn’t be treated, period. I don’t care. It doesn’t contribute to my paycheck, so it can die.

Worst than that was this morning. My supervisor found a little mangled wild rabbit (they are all over the property, and frequently get squished by clients because, apparently, rabbits are morons who don’t learn from watching their friends and family get squished by these big rumbling machines driving by all day and all night) outside the side door of the building.

She asked me if I wanted to help her put in a catheter on the rabbit and I said, “You’re joking right?”

“No, I’m not.”

“I’m not touching that rabbit, it’s going to die and it’s not going to pay and there is nothing we can do for it.”

“It’s in shock!”

“I don’t care, break it’s neck, I’m not catching whatever diseases it might have, and if it bites you and you get the plague I wont care.”

She turned to Sara, “Do you want to help me?”

I looked at Sara, “Please, Sara, it’s against everything I believe in.”

She agreed and they worked on getting an IV catheter in this fucking rabbit, while I made my rounds to various employees who thought it was ridiculous as well. This poor goddamn rabbit is laying there with a cat muzzle over it’s face, surrounded by human smells, dog smells, cat smells, and all sorts of noise and commotion that is completely foreign and frightening to a rabbit. It was already deeply in shock, so the chance of all that putting it further in shock is slim, but the chance of a wild rabbit recovering while people are shoving needles in it and yelling is even slimmer.

Then, failing to get the catheter in, one of the interns came over and tried to intubate the rabbit. Can you even imagine being that rabbit? One minute you’re hopping along, next thing you know you’re run over by some fucking Lexus, then you’re carried into this weird place with no sky by the very sum of all your fears, just so they can poke you with needles and try to shove a plastic tube down your throat just so they can keep you alive and make themselves feel like better people for sustaining your miserable bunny life. Needless to say all your bones are probably broken and you were bleeding internally and there was no actual saving you.

At that point, I’d rather have my neck broken, personally.

One of my coworkers named the people who participate in this sort of insanity, something I had never heard before, she called them humaniacs. I would consider what they did to that rabbit the exact opposite of humane. I would call that purely inhumane, sustaining a life for the sole purpose of experimentation, the sole purpose of ego, instead of just killing it in the quickest way possible. They tortured that rabbit for twenty minutes, for no reason at all.

It should be obvious to you, but the rabbit died while they were trying to intubate it.

This is where you draw the line. It’s not about quantity of life, people, it’s about quality. Too bad in veterinary medicine, it’s often the exact opposite. The animals can’t tell you they’re miserable, so the owners don’t when to stop, and the doctors never want to stop. Luckily for animals, euthanasia is legal. Too bad humans don’t have the choice.