ihavebeenfloated

I feel like I’ve been sleeping. Everything that has been happening in the last month feels completely surreal, certain situations seem so bizarre that it feels like there’s another me trapped in my head thinking, “Jesus, this is not me.” It’s weird, it’s not an urge to escape or run, it’s just this strange feeling that this can’t possibly be my life and that this is all happening to someone else and I don’t know who he is or where he came from.

I just got up from the table after eating chicken gumbo, cooked straight from Louisiana by Tiffany’s father. Her friend, Danny, has just shown up, yet again, straight from Louisiana. They’re both talking with accents that I’ve never heard in person as far as I can remember. They’re talking in tongues and phrases that I’ve never heard in person. It feels completely foreign to me, and a part of me thinks that I should be more uneasy then I am.

That’s the strange thing, I wouldn’t expect myself to cope with all of this so well. All these changes in the last month have been things that I feel that I would ordinarily be extremely wary of, if not just frightened of.

I hooked up with a girl who I, for all intents and purposes, should have stayed as far away from as possible. Every alarm in my brain was going off when we spent time together, and I knew that she was trouble from the start. I adore her, and I don’t feel that she’s a risk now, but she was one hell of a one when we first got together.

I up and left a comfortable and cheap residence so I could move in with a girl that I had barely been in a relationship with for more than two weeks, into a place that’s existence is guaranteed only until July, with the hope of being able to find another cheap place to live. This was a huge risk, needless to say, and one that I would normally never take unless I felt moved in that direction.

I knew that this relationship would cause certain people I worked with to view me in a negative light. I didn’t realize fully how bad this would impact me, thinking that personal grudges people hold wouldn’t affect my job standing, and I can now comfortably say that this relationship is largely responsible for the loss of my job. I’ll admit, I did a few things to get myself fired, but had my personal standing with the person responsible for my job loss not been affected by their opinion of my relationship, I probably wouldn’t have lost it. I don’t regret this in the least, deep down I hated that place, and I was planning on leaving in a month or two anyway, so being fired isn’t a big deal to me.

I just sat there. I sat down, and the administrator said, “I hoped we wouldn’t have to do this before your review,” or something like that, “but we’re letting you go.” Then she rattled off a bunch of made up bullshit about my job performance, things that I had previously heard straight from my other supervisor that he prefixed with “I don’t believe any of this is true, but I’ve heard it from others, and it’s nothing I can prove, but I’m going to tell you just so you know,” then she handed me my final paycheck.

The only thing I said was, “Is that it?”

She said, “Yes,” and I got up and left.

I didn’t say goodbye to anyone I worked with, though I loved the majority of the people. Before I got up to go to my review, I jokingly said, “Nice knowing you Kathy. Nice knowing you Ryan. Nice knowing you Raffi,” and those were the three goodbyes I really would have wanted to say if I was going to, so even though they were jokingly, I’m glad I said them.

Also, I can write about it now and not give a shit, no worries about getting dooced! Though I guess they could sue me if I state anything too bad about their practices. Maybe I’ll write a book about the place like I planned to. I’ve got a year and a half of experiences under my belt just abouts. That place would make a marvelous sitcom with all the stupid bullshit that went on every night.

Now I’m in the strange position of needing a job, but potentially moving a great distance in the next month or two, so I’m not sure where to start. This is the weirdest situation ever, I feel like I just dropped everything and moved to a new place. New surroundings, new woman, need a job, need a place to live, $700 to my name. Crazy. It’s times like this I’m glad I got friends all of a sudden as the very last minute.

It’s funny how my life operates like this. I felt it building, really, I knew it was coming. (My sense of the under toad grew very, very strong.) My life operates on something of a wave length, with a great distance between the peaks, but the peaks are extreme. All the shit has to hit the fan at the exact same time, it’s incredible. I’ve mentioned it before, and I’ll mention it again now, I had hoped repeatedly, out loud, that this year would be less eventful than 2004. I really, deep down, thought I would finally have a slow year. Now, I realize, 2004 was a slow year.

In 2004, my daughter was born, and I got a job that I managed to keep for longer than any other. That was it. 2004 is already looking tame in comparison to my 2005. So far I’ve hooked up with a new girl, turned my entire world upside-down, and gotten myself fired from aforementioned job. There’s other things as well but only time will allow me to talk about those things comfortably. Just amazing.

Here’s to the next nine months. God only knows where they’ll take me.