ihavebeenfloated

This is where I write about what spending time with Tiffany a week after she dumped me is like.

Pity that I suddenly don’t feel like talking about it.

Well, wait, maybe I do. A post saying I don’t feel like talking about it sounds like it was bad, but that’s not the case, so in reality I shouldn’t post at all, but maybe I’ll say a few words.

(*Ten Minutes Later*)

Well, fuck, hmm.

It’s weird, I want to say what I really think but I’m afraid she’ll read it, but it’s nothing bad. How weird is that? I mean, she wants to know, right? Well… hmm.

It was awesome, spending time with her was awesome. It was like we were originally, minus all the stress of living together and that stupid shit. Without that mutual shittiness, there is only us communicating with each other about our seperate problems. Nothing to fight about, no stupid unspoken grievances. Just us, being together, and being happy about it most of all. I really think we make an amazing couple, we get along and we have similar thoughts about certain things, and in general our existences are very complimentary to each other… until it comes to living together as a couple, of course. Too fast, too soon, blah blah.

What’s amazing to me is that she’s so stubborn. It’s strange, it’s like she believes that by kicking me out that she can’t like me, and she’s conflicted. I hate to be all mind reader and maybe I’m entirely wrong, but it definitely seems like she’s telling herself that she shouldn’t want to be with me and that we shouldn’t be spending time together… but deep down on the inside, she needs me. She’s not willing to accept a normal dating relationship though, or at least not yet anyway, and that’s fine.

What surprises me the most is my ability to not be upset by any of this. I’m not lonely right now, I’m not grieving over her being gone. I’m happy that we went out and had such a good time together and everything went awesome. That’s it, I’m happy about the fact that it happened, not sad that it’s over or any melodramatic shit like that. I know that we’re going to spend time together again, so that’s cool, but I’m not all siezed up waiting for it.

I love her, I love spending time with her, and I love the way I feel when I’m with her. (And I know that she feels practically the same way about me.) That’s all that matters to me, and I’m wondering where this suddenly rational mindset came from, because I swear that I would be freaking out right now normally. Instead, I feel comfortable, secure, and most of all, happy about the potential the future might (or might not) hold.

Here’s to life. Cheers.