ihavebeenfloated

Here’s another little something I wrote in a spur of the moment while sitting in class doing nothing. Once again, not edited or corrected, just another curiosity.

When God said let there be light or some shit, why did he make me prefer darkness? How about resting on the seventh day when, in society today, resting is all but spit upon by the hard working yuppie masses? This needle is my apple, and my dealer is my snake, and the warmth that spreads over me when I jack in to the center of my brain is my middle finger raised defiantly to the heavens.

So then, the painful come down and the sense of naked vulnerability that comes with it must be God’s way of casting my pale scrawny ass out of heaven.

Aw fuck it.

There’s nothing quite like shooting myself in a pew. The slight tilt of the seat cradles me in, and I’m left to stare at the vaulted ceilings and walls of sparkling stained glass. I think about Cain, and I wonder where he is today, probably driving some fucking cab and taking in the filth of society. The filth of me, giving me a ride for a bit of blow and spun out of my mind.

It’s a goddamn miracle that my teeth don’t fall out of my mouth.

This turkey sandwich tastes like nothing, and in that way it feels like i’m chewing on mana. I know i’ve got to eat but i spit out the chunks into the bowl of holy water on my way to the confessional.

The priest knows me well.

“So what’s it today, Char?”

“Fucking wise ass son of a bitch,” I snarl, or at least try to.

“Ach, get the fuck out of here, there’s probably someone I can actually save around the corner.”

“Fuck you,” and that is the extent to which talking to my dad usually gets to.

Fuck him, too. Just like God, brought me into this world and on the first day aware, he tells me not to touch any forbidden fruit. So instead I let it touch me.

I had my first abortion at fourteen. I’ve since made both of my fathers prouder. And then one of my fathers made me sterile. Not sure which one it was though.

There’s a party tonight. I got a good feeling there will be heaps of acid everywhere, probably heaps of e, too. Can’t wait to see the death toll in the newspaper tomorrow. Wont be me, I am beyond that shit, fucking teenagers thinking they are so fucking hardcore.

Then they wind up standing in front of God making fucking excuses like they’re groveling to their father. Hah! Tough shit for them.