i'm having a surreal out of body experience or something. i googled the name of one of my exes from 20 years ago and found an article about homeless drug users living on skid row and the hero image for the article is basically just a big picture of her, all tore up, looking like a meth addict who lives in a tent on skid row.
blows my fucking mind. i feel very bad for her, which is unusual because i do not really feel sympathy for any of my exes, especially when the relationship went poorly. i hold grudges for a long, long time. forever?
but i've never looked at a homeless drug addict, at someone who looks like they're in that much trouble in their life, and had it be someone i know, that i can recognize.
like it's one thing to look at a stranger in pain; you don't know what they look like when they're sad or angry or scared, so you can tell that they don't look very happy, but it's ambiguous, you can feel indifferent about it–but to see someone you knew in that state, you can read every emotion on their face, you know how they're feeling, and it's god awful. it's god awful.
the article was from three years ago, so far all i know, she's dead now. i don't think things typically go very well for drug addicts pushing into their 40's. jesus christ, what a fucking head trip.
